Dear B,
I'm so sorry. I was doing all the right things. Cleaning it when I should, feeding them the right amount, not leaving the light on all day (I learned that the hard way), changing the filter regularly. They were doing so good! All swimming around, playing with the little shot glass I put in there for a cute effect... they seemed happy in their new home. All was good in their new spot.
Unit it wasn't.
Until yesterday. And I swear, if I hadn't missed your call this weekend when you called me, from France (idiot, how could I miss the call?!, I miss YOU), then I would have assured you all was well, given you the update on your favorite fish, Blacky, telling you how they were thriving in their aquatic playground.
And they so were! Until yesterday. That's when it all started I guess. One died. Shit, and you know how I hate the actual scoop out and flush bit. So it was okay, I was okay... one out of the whole crew, and it had been sooo long since any prior casualities! But then today. Oh my God, today. I wake up, and one more is dead! NO! I tell T, and she goes to get it out, and there is ANOTHER dead. That's two so far. I get home from work tonight, go to check on the little guys... two more, gone! Are you freaking kidding me? I change the filter. I feed them, have a little talk with them. They seem okay? I come to do some work on the computer for a couple hours... turn around, and no freaking way, are you serious? Two more.... dead!
B, that's 7, in less than 24 hours! What the hell is going on? We're doing all the right things; what is wrong with them? With my caregiving?! They've been doing so well... and now this?!
I am so sorry.
And I'm sorry I missed your call. I missed your call, and I miss you. How is France? We haven't gotten one of your group email updates in a while. I miss our talks. I miss your singing, our singing, to Oasis or Simon and Garfunkel in your Buick. I miss our lunches and your stories. The smile you always bring to my face. I miss your smile. And as you once said, "I miss the bull shitting"... the sitting on your couch, literally, bull shitting about our days, our qualms, what the hell she's wearing on tv, what to text him back, where to go out for drinks.
I hope you're doing well. I'm sorry about your fishies. Blacky is still okay though, I swear.
Talk to you soon,
M
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6 comments:
i don't know whether to call you a fish killer or to say that this was a very sweet post. i'll go with the latter.
Meg. I worry you're cargiving skills are lacking. Your post insinuates this is not the first encounter of you killing aquatic life. However, maybe your sadness of missing B is projecting onto the fish, try reassuring them their mother is coming home. Though, note to self...never leave Meg alone with fish, unless you want them dead.
ha! brooke- this totally is NOT the first encounter I have had... but not due to lack of caregiving skills! I do all the right things, yet STILL, they refuse to cooperate. You know I'd be better with a kitty. What the hell.
Listen to what jeorg said, at someone is saying I'm not a killer! ;)
Holy shit, do people let you baby sit their kids?!
I'm just kidding, I swear to god.
That was probably a harsh joke for someone that doesn't know you in real life.
Meh, but i'm leavinf up there any way :P
ps. I have never kept a fish alive for more than a week, I tried. Twice.
month, i meant month
Hey Meg...it's B.
You should know that a) I cried in front of my colleagues in the teacher's lounge when I read this post, b) I miss you just as much, and c) I have called Social Services and they will visit your home on Friday to perform an inspection of your apartment and to confiscate the aquatic organisms that I so lovingly devoted my life to for a whole year and a half.
Remember when we talked about you taking care of my kitty cats too?? If you kill cats like you kill fish, it's a good thing your landlord won't allow you to have one.
You should be aware of the animal cruelty laws in Massachusetts: unnecessary cruelty to animals receives 1) no more than a one thousand dollar fine, 2) no more than one year in jail, or 3) both. (If you wish to learn more about this, refer to Part I, Title XX, Chapter 133 and Part I, Title I, Chapter 272 of Massachusetts Statutes.)
Now...
to get serious...
I told you NOT to think about caring for fish too much, remember? Turn off your over-thinking brain just this once. MEG...they're fish for crying out loud. They're not supposed to outlive their caregivers (obviously)...or their siblings even. So don't be surprised when they die.
I can't explain why the fish are dying so quickly though. Have you been adding the conditioner to the water before the fish? It conditions (for lack of a better word) tap water to make it safe for the fish.
I never had to wash the tank too often...but it does help. So, perhaps a good scrubbing one weekend could help. (aka: empty the tank completely and scrub it with some Palmolive. Also, rinse through the pebbles. Just make sure all the soap is gone before you rebuild the tank.)
I hope you don't regret taking my fish now! Having fish is more like having a hobby...it's not like having a dog or a cat. Yes, you have to feed them to keep them alive...and clean for them. But, it's a hobby in the sense that you can become more involved or less involved, you can buy a bigger tank, and when your fish die you can buy more exotic fish etc. You see where I'm going with this?
Don't worry that the fish are dying...it's supposed to happen. These fish were probably meant to be bait anyway...it's not like they're some amazing species of fish that lives for 20 years.
I couldn't flush my fish before I left because I'm a dork. So think of what their destiny was before you agreed to take them! At least they're dying natural deaths.
I still appreciate the fact that you took them!!! And I'm sure that their deaths (even their deaths in clusters) has nothing to do with your caregiving. Okay?
I can't believe I just wrote that much about fish.
Incidentally, how is my cabinet holding up?
I love reading your blog...I'm going to do it more often now.
I miss you!!!
The Grieving B
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