Sunday, July 08, 2007

How timely, blogger won't even let me make a title for this post.

Therein lies the problem and why you can find me here now!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Thank YOU very much Miss Lippy

Mr. Friday, I'm sure, will really appreciate, the nice cold sore I have on my lower lip just in time for tomorrow's date.

I mean, I'm just sayin'.

I know! Wiked hot.
This is what dreams (and first kisses) are made of.
Mr. Friday will not be able to keep his hands off of this shiznit.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

more macaroni

What do you know!? I'm sitting here watching the Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular on tv, and they are playing the macaroni song. Go figure.

I'm not a big firework girl myself. Not that I don't like them. Something about them just doesn't totally do it for me. I am open to the idea of them, don't get me wrong. I think they are pretty and, I guess amusing too. I enjoy looking at them from afar, and the whole lying on the blanket idea in a field or park or something with friends or a loved one sounds appealing. But hmm, something about it, just doesn't really get me all excited. For some reason. Then again, it's been a while since I've given them a chance. Maybe one of these days they'll all of a sudden make me swoon.

Oh, did you all know that New Englander's eat more ice cream per capita than anywhere else in the U.S.? Yes, it's a true fact.

That's all. Hope everyone has been enjoying the day. Go drink some cheap wine, a cold brewski, or a nice margarita. That's how I would like all of us bloggers to roll today.

Stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni.*

Happy 4th of July!

I hope everyone has a great holiday! (if it applies!) I'll try and be back in full force later in the week. Although my commenting skills have been at peak performance this week, I haven't devoted much time to my own blogging. I plan to do this soon.

Hope that everyone has a safe and happy day, whatever you end up doing!

*Honestly, what the holy hell does this song mean??*

Sunday, July 01, 2007

more than you ever wanted to know...

Another chance to learn more about moi! Try and hold back your excitement. Beth tagged me and I'm going for it.
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I think I was a Sophomore in high school at the time? Probably at that point still rocking out the grunge look. Cords and birks or those famous clogs of the time, earthy tones, and some type of wool sweater. Oh, and definitely a hemp necklace. That I made myself. Quite a fashion statement.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
It wasn't too much of a change from today. I was getting used to a new apartment, and a new car. I think it was around this time last year that I went away for one of the best weekends ever to NH with my best friends.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1-- Almonds
2-- Humus/Tabouli and pita bread
3-- Cheetos
4-- String cheese
5-- Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:
1-- Message in a Bottle- The Police
2-- Just Another Day (Without You)- John Secada
3-- Plush- Stone Temple Pilots
4-- Lucky Star- Madonna
5-- Walk Away- Ben Harper

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1-- Stop renting and buy a house
2-- Pay off Sallie Mae.
3-- Invest? Because that seems like the right thing to do?
4-- Take my family on a relaxing trip somewhere
5-- Travel.

Five bad habits:
1-- Biting my lips, often when I'm nervous. Sometimes when I'm just plain bored.
2-- Leaving everything to the last minute
3-- Getting sucked into a good Lifetime, and staying up way later than I should
4-- Not putting my laundry away
5-- Eating too fast

Five things you like doing:
1-- Spending a good chunk of time in a bookstore and café
2-- Obviously, people watching
3-- Writing, and pilates
4-- Drinking chocolate milk, sending cards
5-- Taking self-enrichment type classes, and going to the beach

Five things you would never wear again:
1-- A hypercolor tee shirt
2-- Double Denim. Horrid.
3-- One of those embroidered vests. You know, that are fabric-y in the front, and silk in the back? And holy hell, I think they even tie. Wow. I was bringing sexy back big time when I busted out that fashion statement in 6th grade. H-O-T.
4-- Hot pink stirrup pants. Unless of course I am going to an 80's party.
5-- A scrunchie.

Five favorite toys:
Hmm… this is a tough one. I don't have many toys, toys. I'm pulling this out of my ass:
1-- My ipod.
2-- Hair straightener?
3-- XM radio
4-- Rapozo, our fake, breathing kitty. Meow!
5-- My digital camera

Here's a couple pictures of Cosmo, who likes blogging as much as me...

Thursday, June 28, 2007

being thrift, splurging, and when it's worth it.

With most things in life, I would say I'm pretty thrifty. I like a good sale, discounts, and perusing through the clearance section sometimes. I like stores like Marshalls, TJMaxx (name brands for less, yo!), and I'm amused to search for and find a gem, amongst a bunch of unfortunates. I will buy the food store brand, opting for that choice over the $1.99 more version of the name brand. I'll pass up a Mobil station to pay .05 cents less two miles away.

All that being said, I would not say I'm cheap. I just recognize and love a good deal when I see one. Don't get me wrong, I will splurge with the best of them. I have more handbags than I possibly know what to do with; I treat myself to pedicures regularly. I have a colored flip flop probably for each day of summer (perhaps that's a spec of an exaggeration, but you get the point), and a shoe for every occasion. And I will continue to do all of these things, because, well, I can. For now. And I'll splurge on other items, such as face wash, lotions, shampoos, a good haircut & foil, and undies.

I'm fortunate enough to have a job that offers me the ability to do these things. I don't take this for granted. I certainly don't rake in the dough, by any means. Around the same time every month, I will often go into overdraft protection. Because I'm not good at transferring funds from savings to checking regularly enough. So at about the 3rd of every month, when I've just paid rent, I'm waiting on my next pay check, Sallie Mae just kicked my ass, and I've made both a car payment, insurance payment, and paid for food (you know, to live), and then the gas bill comes, it's pretty rough times.

And to get me good when I'm down, then comes the cell phone bill. Which is pretty much the kicker. Some people are phone people. Some would rather step on a nail. I am not one of these people. I love the phone. It's wondrous chatting with my friends in Maine and NY and NV who all have the same cell phone service so it's free all of the time. That's cool, you know?

What's not as cool, is getting charged .45 cents a minute, when I go over my "minutes." Which I did. This month. And last month too, but it wasn't "as big a deal." This month? We're looking at a $335 cell phone bill, when it's usually around, oh, $40. Opps.

So I can attribute this to a couple things:
1--My mother needs to switch to my cell phone company. She just does. I will not switch to hers; I have no interest. I don't like the provider, the service sucks, and truth be told, most of the people I talk to have my service. Which means mine is the best, clearly. So mom needs to switch.
2--I talk too much before 9pm, and too little after 9pm. Free = after 9. I try to go to bed early these days. I like to talk after work, sometimes on my drive home. Also before work, in the morning, before 9am. Well this isn't an option. Free also = until 6am. Who will I be phoning with before 6am? Really?
3--I don't have a home phone. I just rely on my cellie. Which means, any calls I need to make, during business hours, or before 9pm, on a weekday, need to be done on my cell phone. Which adds up, I guess.
4--I sing for too long on voicemails. Yes, I sing. I leave singing messages and perhaps they get too lengthy.
5--I just plain need to get a handle on things. No more of this doubling my monthly minutes. I'm allowed 7.5 hours of off peak, during the day, whenever the hell I want, before 9pm calling. I need to work on this. Restrain myself I guess.

Clearly this bill threw me for a loop. Kind of irked me, because I try to keep better control of this stuff. But then again? It really so bad. Sure, $335 isn't cool. Not at all. But, since I don't splurge regularly on really really pricey purses and shoes, just sometimes, maybe this is my thing. I like deals, and I take them when I can get them. Perhaps going over in cell phone minutes is my downfall. I like to talk. Apparently a lot. So maybe I don't have a new Coach bag to show for it, or a closet full of designer shoes, but I'm still smiling. Because I got a chance to congratulate one of my best friends on the closing of her house at 1pm on a Friday. And I have peace of mind knowing that my grandmother is feeling just fine after chemo at 5:37pm on a Wednesday night. I have laughed harder than I have in a long time talking to a new friend who is good with directions. I got to welcome my longtime friend home from France on a Monday morning at 10am. People know that they are my "sunshine" as I bust into tune on a random Thursday drive home. My penpal in WV and I can share a dodgy ex encounter at 7pm on a Friday night. I now have a new friend because I had to hound the humane society daily between 11am-4pm.
And you know what? So what, I had to pay for all of this? Quite honestly, I would say it was damn well worth it.

And additionally, I now have three new shirts and a pair of earrings that I just retail therapied myself after viewing this bill. You know, because that's how I roll.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

There are those certain times, that while you're living them, you just know you want to make a conscious effort to tuck away a part of that memory, that moment. Etch it into your mind, your heart. The way she smiled during that conversation, the sweetness of that kiss outside in the rain, the way it felt to finally say what you wanted to say to him. There are those specific moments, snippits of time, that you can just feel it. Feel the need to really embrace it and be there with it, take it all in as much as you can. Because before you know it, the moment will be gone. You know right then and there that you need to make a yourself remember it. And then you find, that not only have you remembered the moment, but you have the details. The color of the place mat at her kitchen table and how the seat cushion was starting to fray just a spec. The way the rain was starting to trickle down the driveway and form a puddle by your feet. What you were wearing when you told him that you needed a little space that cool day in March.

There are other times, when perhaps you weren't thinking that this is one of these times, those things that you should for sure, tuck away, keep close, to remember down the road. Sometimes they're sneaky, these memories. You'll be sitting in your bed at night listening to Rachel Yamagata, and find yourself remembering the way his hand fit in yours. How he tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek.

Time goes by, life happens. Before you know it you're sitting on the couch at 11:30pm on a weeknight, drinking beers with good friends, rehashing the remember-when's of a couple years ago. The time that you're apartment had a flood and you all stayed in a hotel for the night. When relationships were new and your best friend couldn't eat (and let's be frank, neither could you, by association) because she had that "I'm gonna shit" feeling that you get when a new guy is in the picture.

As we grow older, and life changes happen, we realize that what is, right now, might not be, in a month. Or a year. Being able to sit around and shoot the shit with good friends, drinking beers with no reserve, with no big obligations other than feeding a new kitty can sometimes be taken for granted. If you let them.

When you sit back and think of the times, perhaps a year ago, maybe five years ago or more, when things were so different than they are now, it helps to put things in perspective. Because when you're say, ten, and you want to go play outside on the swings with your best friend across the street, and you misplace a jelly shoe, that is the biggest thing in your life. That's big happenings and thinking about it now makes you realize that you had it so easy then.

Which makes you think about the present. The way things are, right now. And how quickly things can, and do change. Because five years from now, you and your best friends probably won't have the luxury to just meetup over American Idol and margaritas. People will marry, and move, and make babies. Some of you already have. It makes you grateful and appreciative for what is, right now, this instant. The small moments that pass between friends and loved ones. Soft touches and glances across the room. Shopping at Target for three hours on a Tuesday night.

Realizing that things won't always be this way, and could very possibly change at any moment, makes you just that much more appreciative of it right as it's happening. Right now.

Monday, June 25, 2007

sneaking in

We fought. Argued. So often. We'd bicker, and I hated it. Especially before bed. You didn't want to talk about the fight the next morning. I did. I wanted answers. Why did we keep doing this? Mustn't this be a sign? You said that all couples fought. And I refused to believe that. You said I overreacted, calling me selfish for wanting to talk about it because you said you were done with the conversation. And "how could I" not accept that. I told you I wasn't being selfish. That I just wanted a plan. To work on, or towards. To make this get better. Not knowing for sure if it really ever could, get better.

I was sad. Upset. And discouraged. Thinking, wondering, is this as good as it gets? This? This is what it's like? And I began to think maybe I was overreacting. I began to cherish the good, lived for the good of it all, of us. Those few and far between good times, amidst all of the turmoil. I would apologize, over and over, for making you upset. Actually believing that it was my fault.

You said you never felt this strongly for someone before. Couldn't picture life without me. You, we, we pictured a family together. Marriage and a house and children and a puppy.

We would have our happy times. Takeout on the floor over candlelight. Ice skating hand in hand on a cold winter day. Then, inevitably, it would go back. Back to bad. To yelling and drinking and tears in the bathroom, or over chai tea at a Starbucks with a girlfriend down the road on a bad night.

Using all of the emotional strength I could muster up, I tried. Over and over to make it all work. Make it better. Make us better. Tried, with all I could, to make us the happy couple that I hoped we could be. I wanted so badly for us to just be happy together. I thought I could do that could be us.

It didn't work. After a while, it all ended up being much, much more actual work, to make us work, than it was worth. I loved you with everything I had, and pulled the hardest move I've ever had to make when I told you I couldn't do it anymore. When I said goodbye.

It's been a long time since all of that. I don't think about you as often as I once did. But I still do sometimes. And it's sneaky. It sneaks up on a warm sunny Sunday afternoon in the summertime. When I'm not doing anything we ever did together, I'll think of you then. And it will throw me for a loop. We never had a summer. I'll be on a bike ride, or eating homemade salsa at a friend's house, and you'll be there. Not physically, but you're there. And it will hit me like a ton of freaking bricks. It creeps in. You, creep in. You end up in my thoughts, just like that, and sometimes in my dreams. Into my mind at a random moment.

And maybe there are some triggers, who knows. Seeing your friend, who is dating my friend. Me, meeting a new guy. Hearing a song on the radio that reminds me of you, of us. But sometimes, there you are, again, all of a sudden. With no rhyme or reason to it all, you're back. And I don't even see it coming. The bag and box of you and your things, your reminders, the notes and cards, our pictures and your boxers, they're all stowed away. Gone are the physical reminders of you.

But those emotional reminders, those damn emotional reminders, that have a way of getting in, unexpectedly, they go, and they stick right to my heart. And then I feel it, and I feel you, like a little twinge from time to time. A reminder maybe. Of a time when. What once was. What is so different now, today. Of where I've been and where I've come.

You're still there. Here. Sometimes more than others. Often it's nothing. Sometimes it's really intense, pulling, abruptly at my heart.

I miss you sometimes, and I don't really want to anymore.