someday

I'm not really ready
to be all okay with this

I can pretend though
that when you say that, like that
that I'm happy
that it doesn't bother me

I can pretend
that I don't see that
hear that
that I don't really feel like this

the truth is
I'm not really ready
to be all okay with this

I can pretend that this may not in fact, really be real
that it's not serious
even if it is

I can pretend that I'm content with what's missing
what was once there but now is not
because perhaps this is the way it needs to be

and, I can tell myself over and over
that this is what's right, at least for now
the way it should be

but right now
im not really ready
to be all okay with this