Monday, October 02, 2006

ex boyfriend shirts and drummers

I guess it's been a bit since I've written. I guess I'm not really a consistent blogger. It's not like my blog is a Grrl Genius, Greek Tragedy, Ari Goes Down, or This Fish- blogs that I, clearly among a ton of other people, actually read on a regular basis. So I'm thinkin that if I don't blog for a day or two, or a few weeks as the case may be, it's not going to be a let down for most people.
And for now, that's okay. I've only recently picked up on the blogging thing, and I do it because I like to write and thought this would be a good way to kinda... get it out there or something. But it's not like people even really know about my blog enough to come to it regularly to spruce up their days, get a laugh, or whatever... so really, in the grande scheme of things, the fact that I'm not a consistent blogger doesn't realllly matter. The fact that I wicked enjoy it, when I actually do it, maybe matters. I like that I can write, and post what I write, in pink no less. I like that I can get a comment or two and then meet other cool people that way. I'm kinda liking that right now, not many people really know that I'm into this. It's my thing, something for me, that I do for myself, because I enjoy it.
Anyway, so I figured since I post on other people's blogs, and link to my own, it might make sense to actually write in mine, otherwise what's the point or doing the link thing? It's just that lately, I haven't had too much to say. Or the energy to really put all that's been going on into words. It's not like there's been nothing going on... rather, there's been somuchgoingon, that I just wasn't feeling up to the task of getting home at night and writing about it. So I've decided I'm going to try and do this more consistently- more for me, without any attachments to outcomes of even caring who will read this, and who never will.
There's this blue shirt I have. 3/4 length, it fits me well, I've been told the color is good on me, and it's one of those shirts you feel good in. I bought it about a month ago, and wore it to a party where I knew I may be having a run in with my ex boyfriend. I chose the shirt because I love the color and after trying several other options, this was the one thing that I actually felt... confident in. So I busted it out, wore it that night, saw my ex, felt confident, had a little meltdown thereafter but moved on, and hadn't worn the shirt again. Until this past Saturday. Again, I was looking for something that I knew I'd feel good in, so out came the blue 3/4 length, and out we went. The concert was sweet, and afterwards we even got to hangout with the Barenaked Ladies. The drummer was the coolest- down to earth and completely hysterical. So that was pretty cool, and at least I was still feeling good in and about the shirt . Until we were standing at the bar, and in walks my roommates ex. They didn't have a run in or anything, we talked to some of his friends, but no contact was made by them. Still though, at the end of the night, I couldn't help but think, maybe this shirt isn't as great as I'm making it out to be? For myself, and my friends.
The only two times I've worn it, yes- I've felt good about the idea beforehand, but both times, ex boyfriends have been in the mix. Not ex boyfriends where things just fizzled out, or where you just decide you're "better off as friends." Exes where you get the feeling when you're around them. The needing to switch to a stiff drink instead of beer kind of feeling about the way things ended. You don't hate each other, you don't want to never see them again, in fact- it's the one you will always have a special place in your heart for....BUT, none the less, both of you still end up having that weird, uncomfortable, Jack and Coke necessary, type of feeling thinking about a future encounter.*
I think as girls, we have the capability that boggles our guy friends and boyfriends, to be able to remember outfits. What we were wearing when we first met you. What shoes you were wearing when you walked in to pick us up. How we wore our hair on our first date. Our favorite shirt we like to see you in. The outfit we wore when we first met your parents. Your favorite underwear of ours. Our favorite boxers. Your favorite shirt you'd wear in the fall. The dress we wore to your friend's wedding. The shirt we wore when we saw you for the first time after we'd broken up.
That blue, damn, 3/4 length, favorite shirt of mine. I don't want this to be associated with exes anymore. So I'll wear it to work someday. Or to a girls night out. Or when I go visit my grandparents. To my mom's house. Places where I wouldn't run into anyone questionable, and neither will my friends. And maybe that will help. Because I love this shirt, and I don't want to say goodbye to it yet. I don't like goodbye.
*I used to love Jack and Diet Coke. It was like, my drink of choice. Until it wasn't. And the drink, the smell, the look of it all, made me physically ill. So I took a break from them. It was always a drink I knew was a good choice- it would inevitably give me a good buzz, and I could count on it. But the aftermath wasn't worth it, so I took a break with it. Until recently, when I eased back into it, having Coke instead, thinking that might help. And it did. It does. And I always know that Jack will be a good standby if the situation calls for it.

1 comment:

brooke alexandra said...

I read your blog, everyday, even if you haven't wrote anything...I still come. I'm pretty sure you and my friend Molly are the only two people who read mine. But hey, I'm happy just having the two of you.