Wednesday, January 31, 2007

but you, you're the catalyst

he wrote back. to that email that i wrote last week. maybe two days later, he emailed back. he's sorry, and we're best friends and i've always been there for him. and he'll always be there for me, as a best friend. that he realizes he hasn't done a good job at that role lately, but he'll always be there, as a best friend.

he made that part pretty clear. the friend thing. i got it. repeated twice, i got the point. i wasn't looking for a long lengthy response from him. i just wanted him to hear me. i think he did. i did needed to be reminded, i was doing this for me, to finally, tell him how i felt. this was about me. i needed to stop pretending like things didn't bother me, when they did. that things didn't upset me, that left me bawling into my teddy bear's paw. that i didn't need a quick bathroom therapy session, in the middle of a party.

i think i got that point across to him. in not so many words, it was clear. i had been sending him mixed messages and i took ownership for that. he knows that i wish i'd known things sooner. he knows now that i am upset with the way it went down, but it is what it is, and i view this as my catalyst to begin moving on.

which is what i'm doing. i feel better now at least knowing that he knows how i feel. how it felt, to not hear it from him. how it feels to know that things are different. he knows that i was, that i am, upset, but that what's done is done. he knows that i think everything happens for a reason. and that i don't hate him. and that now i can begin moving on. it's time to do that. it has been coming for a while.

and i guess that's my mini update, in case you were dying to know.

7 comments:

Ally said...

I'm glad he apologized and realized that he didn't handle this in the best way. But more than that I'm glad that you're expressing yourself and not keeping your feelings inside. I'm finding that the more I express myself (and put myself out there), the easier it gets.

PeeJ said...

Absolutely spot on what Ally said. Getting it all out in the open is the best way, and always tell people if they've ticked you off (OK this was a bit more than "ticking you off" but even so...)

Expressing that is far more effective than staying silent and letting it boil away in your mind for the entertainment and annoyance of you and you only.

Peej
x

Aaron said...

I'm glad you can finally begin to put all this behind you and move on. Now, if we could only get that darned SHIFT key fixed... :P

brookem said...

Talking about it all, has definitely helped. And bringing it up to him, rather than sitting and stewing about it, seems to have been the wisest decision I've made in a while.

aaron, haha, that made me laugh. i wrote that quick and didnt bother to focus on the capitalization, etc.

Ruby said...

*hug* Oh honey...I agree with Ally too. And I'm glad you're opening up about things to the people who are causing them, that's not easy.
And you're a phenomenal writer btw.

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brooke alexandra said...

It's about damn time he wrote back. But, you already know how I feel about this.