Tuesday, June 12, 2007

on intruders, and ex boyfriends

I thought it was my worst nightmare come true. Because I'm very, very scared of burglars and things in the night, in the dark. Breakins and such. So when I got a text message, and a phone call, at 3am from my roommate, down the hall, I knew something was wrong. My heart raced, big time as I noticed the missed call. Woken out of a dead sleep, I picked up my cell phone off of my nightstand, flustered and not quite getting what was going on. Who the hell would be calling me right now? I didn't even have time to go through the list of possibilities, before a text message came through. She hadn't left a voicemail. I didn't even bother to read the text, I immediately called her back. No answer. Holy hell. Freakish scary things began going through my mind. I sat up straight in bed, hair in a wavy mess on top of my head, too warm from the humidy outside and having forgotten to open my window more.

She wasn't answering. I wasn't moving. Was someone in there? In our apartment, in her room? Did she call me in her only free minute to get away from some intruder? Oh my god. I was flipping out.
So I went to my inbox. Scrolled to the newest text.

"brookem i just saw a mouse oh man"

An intruder is right! I breathed a sigh of relief, in that moment, as I read the message. Because the intruder wasn't some bad bad man coming in with knives for fingers, or needles to inject my belly (because this does happen in real life, and clearly television gets the best of me). The intruder was of another sort. A small, furry? (are they furry?) sort.

So I finally made my way out of bed. This was all over the course of two minutes. This is dragging the drama out, but really, this is just how freaked I was by it all. Seriously. I don't do well with any type of intruder. (As if that wasn't apparent enough already.)

I made my way over to my roommates room, calling her name as I was walking towards her. No response. Holy hell, the mouse has gotten her. It's pitch black, I'm barefoot, I don't know where micey is, what if I encounter it? This is serious.

I get to her door, which I have to push open, as she has it barricaded now with Old Navy bags, shoes, and other paraphernalia. Because this will keep micey out, since she thinks she saw it leave.

She's in a ball on her bed. Fetal position style. I tip tow sprint to her bed. We both just look at each other. Seriously, in horror. Well where is it?! Are you sure you saw it? Did you hear it? What color is it? Did it wake you up?!

She was 95% sure she saw it. She had apparently woken up, looked towards her door, just in time to see sicko micey skrinkering away. Under her door. That nerve.

So now micey was on the loose, in the apartment. Out of her room, in the living room? The kitchen?
MY BEDROOM? No. It couldn't have gotten there already. Plus, my room is smaller, not as much hiding space there (or so I tell myself and roommate, now at 3:15am). We're trying to believe this. Micey is out of her room. She says she can't stay in her room. Alone. So we go back to my room. Flashlight in hand, two freaked out roommates, probably holding hands if I remember correctly, make their way across the apartment, back to my room. We hop in the bed. Fast. Cat like reflexes we get there that quick.

Of course we had to rehash all of this. How could this happen? Are we leaving cheese out? Why does he want to come in here? How did he get in? (Because by now, we just both knowingly determined it, is a he.)
"So you're sure you saw him??" "You're positive it's a mouse, right?" She thinks so. We're sweating now, anxious. Kind of laughing a spec too, because really, this would so happen to us. I decide to turn out the light, reluctantly. We don't hear anything, don't see anything, things seem safe enough at this point. We need to get some sleep, it's now almost 4am, we're getting up in mere hours.

"How do you feel?" I ask her. Because I know she was freaked. Oh god, not that I wasn't. But she is the one who encountered this intruder.

"I feel like I just saw an ex boyfriend. But this is worse."

And this, this is why I love this girl so much. No one else I know would come up with this so true connection. And I agreed wholeheartedly. This ensued a long winded conversation about ex boyfriends, to which we decided, we would prefer to see, encounter, the worst of the worst ex, over seeing this mouse on any day. We recalled boyfriends from the past, those that ended badly, those that didn't. Those that we still had feelings for maybe?, those that we were completely done with. And still, we concluded, seeing any of these men, over micey would be our total preference.

And that's pretty bad.

We finally got back to sleep. Kind of the one eye open type though. I got up at 6ish to run, and luckily didn't lay my eyes on any such micey beast. Thank GOD. Today, calls were made to Mr. Landlord, who says he will be supplying us with copious amounts of peanut butter, and traps. He wants to set up one in roommates room, to which we will, and are of course freaking out at the thought of. Co-workers tell me I just need to break this things neck. Which leaves me feeling so warm and fuzzy inside. Truly.

Holy hell to the day that we find this little sucker slammed down in a peanut butter mess. And you can be sure updates will be on the way.


brandy said...

Good lord girl! I'm glad you survived that horrific event. I suspect there are few things worse seeing than a mouse at 3am (even if you aren't completely sure it was a mouse) or an ex-boyfriend (ever.). As for mice, hmm, 'furry' doesn't seem like the right word but neither does 'hairy'. I will ponder how to properly describe the pelt of a mouse and get back to you. ASAP.

brookem said...

brandy- you're all about this #1 business! yeah, i suppose furry isn't the right word. almost too cute for a mouse, right? man, it was quite the night. no sign of micey so far yet, but i suspect he likes it in the dark. eeek.

Airam said...

I don't know how you managed to get to your roommates room in the dark barefoot. I don't think I'd have been able to do that for fear that I might step on the little mongrel.

You skrinkering to her room shows the character you have!


*I'm totally digging using the term skrinkering*

ARM said...

"Holy hell, the mouse has gotten her."

Pure literary gold. Genius. Classic. I love it.

Holy shit, Brookem, I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard at this! You need to go get your kitten. Stat! I can NOT believe that she text messaged you...that is hilarious!

Oh...good belly laugh. Thank you. Someday, remind me to tell you my mouse story.

LaLa said...

I'd take a mouse encounter over an old ex anyday! Tho I can relate to your mouse tail (har har), but in my case, it's MOTHS. I literally crawl out of my skin if I so much as even hear one or catch a glimpse of their glowing, beady eyes. Ugh, even just talking about them....

egan said...

I love the ex-boyfriend/mouse analogy. They can be kind of scary, especially when you haven't announced you're out of the closet yet. You know.

Ryane said...

Oh man, good luck w/that one. A word of advice--you might want to ask your landlord to get humane traps, or go get them yourself. And I don't say that b/c I really think that you should trap Micey and set him free, but b/c if he gets caught in the trap and perchance should not die right away...it will cry. And you will have to hear it suffer, and that, my friend, is heartbreaking. (And yes, I speak from experience). Good luck! I hope that mouse has split. And PS: I was laughing my ass off at the ex-boyfriend stuff. Priceless.

ruby said...

Rodents and ex-boyfriends share so much, I never realized how similiar they are....you have enlightened me brookem! I cannot believe you went over to her room in the dark! I would have every light in the apartment on and wear the highest heels I have and run around screaming...you are very composed babe! Oh god I hope he just left altogether and never comes back and you never see him or have to think of him again(much like many exes.

Beth said...

That's funny and scary at the same time! Remember when Carrie Bradshaw had a mouse in her house and it ran across her hair? Well, one of my fears is that will happen to be except that it will get stuck in my hair. And then I will have a heart attack and will have to be rushed to the emergency with a mouse stuck in my tangly bed hair.

But strangely enough, I might prefer that situation to see some of my ex-boyfriends.

e.b. said...

having recently seen an ex - i can say that at least they have traps for mice.

Accidentally Me said...

Mice are bad...but I see rats in the alleys and behind the building some times, and they are uber-scary. Some of them weigh like 15 pounds!!!

brookem said...

airam- i dont know how i did it either. i just new i needed to get to her, asap. (i say this like the mouse was full on attacking her or something, ang thinking i can save the day!)

arm- i do need the kitten! next week im hoping. im dying to hear your mouse story now.

lala- im picking up what you're putting down. i hate moths or those type things too. yuck.

egan- look at you go. you're on to me.

ryane- oh that just really freaks me out. man, i'd die. i hope he's split too. no sightings last night.

rubes- seriously i dont know how i pulled it off. i hope i can sprint that fast in the triathlon.

beth- i totally know that episode and it keeps coming to my mind! i was rehashing it with a friend yesterday. ugh, ick. i'd flip, totally flip.

eb- that's right. and then we can be done with them, for good.

am- if this is a rat, im done. totally done. i would have a complete flip out/heart attack if i laid eyes on a rat. ugh.

Trixie said...

i also hate mouse/mice, rats. freaks me out. so i know how your room mate feels. i would just freeze in terror if i ever see a mouse. i certainly cannot stay in a house that has a mouse, until it is gone.

just thinking about what you guys went thru give me the shivers! :)

SohoSally said...

I would take the mouse over an ex any day!

brookem said...

trixie- it's not fun! every little sound i hear i think it's micey rumaging around. man. eek!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Kudos to you for braving it to your rommies room to save her! I can't deal with vermen.....

brookem said...

sohosally- thanks for stopping by! love your sketches by the way!

princess- yeah, well it will be a completely different scenario if i ever come face to face with this bugger.

brooke alexandra said...

HA! I laughed my ass off while reading this. I can so picture the both of you freaked and huddled on the bed together.

brookem said...

brookelyn- you are alive!
it was quite the scene.

undercover celebrity said...

Ok, the only thing worse than a wayward mouse running around your apartment is coming home and seeing the little thing helplessly trapped, looking to you for help. Ugh.

Now, here's an idea: just leave a buch of peanut butter outside your apartment and let the critter find its own way out.

Carrie said...

OH ew... there is NOTHING worse than seeing a mouse in your bedroom or apartment. I've had that experience myself - it was at night but I was reading so I saw it in clear view... a foot and a bit away from my bed. I almost cried.

And as for a proper descriptive for a mouse? I usually use 'disgusting'... or just shudder in fear.

brookem said...

undercover celeb- i'd cry if that happened. ha, wouldn't putting pb OUTSIDE, attract more of his friends INSIDE? it's an idea though...

JustRun said...

Oh yuck! I couldn't agree more. I'd rather see an ex than a mouse in my room without a doubt. They are both scary but at least you know what the ex can do! No telling with that mouse.

brookem said...

justrun- exactly!

ARM said...

I don't know if you can handle my mouse story. Just thinking about it makes me shiver.

But if you really want to know...let's see if I can tell you the basics without going into a huge long ARM-ish comment.
1. moved into townhome
2. husband had bad dream that rats were crawling on us first night there
3. got really, really sick w/in a week.
4. husband found piles and piles of mouse poo all over the place (house had just been cleaned before we moved in)
5. Found mice all over the place rooting in our stuff and eating all our food
6. moved the hell out of there!

radioactive girl said...

We had mice in our basement. We tried the humane traps to catch and release and when I released them, they were adorable. Adorable if they stay outside! Unfortunately they came back, so we hired a guy to give them a stern talking to. That is all I will believe he does because I would be way too sad if he killed them. I know he does, but in my head, he just sternly tells them to stay out of our house.

I LOVE that you wrote skrinkering about the mouse! That has got to be my new favorite word!

k.r.i.s.t.e.n. said...

haha, i agree. would much rather see an awful ex-boyfriend than a mouse! what's almost as bad as mice are cockroaches - eww!! i've run into some of those in my apartment and totally freaked out.

The Egg said...

Terrified of mice! They make odd sounds too.

radioactive girl said...

I just read arm's comment and I don't think I should have. I am wiggling all over the place totally creeped out about that.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm not all about killing things. They have live-traps for mice you know!

I know it can be a little freaky though, we used to have rat sized cockroaches when I was in college, and if you killed one of those things outside... holy crap every cockroach within a 100 foot radius would decend upon you. NOT COOL. You don't want to be swarmed by insects that can withstand a nuclear blast!

I have always thought of mice as furry and cute... then again, I've got two cats to keep them away from my bedroom! Good Luck.

Jeorg said...

um.... ewwwww.

jeorg@uky.edu said...

um.... ewwwww.

Logophile said...

Ohhh man, we had a rodent issue here and I threatened to move out till it was taken care of.
I don't mind them outside but once the little bastards have set their nasty, skittering little claws on in my hallowed space they must DIE!

brookem said...

trixie- ill be gone for the weekend. right in time.

carrie- disgusting is a good one. haven't seen him since so that's good.

arm- im itchy now. ewww. wow.

radioactive girl- "a speaking to"... ha, love it.

kristen- ahh, cockroaches. i cant and dont want to imagine that scene either.

the egg- damn right they do. eww.

radioactive girl- totally, im itchy and feel just wrong now. thanks arm.

brookem said...

kitliz- thanks for stopping by. i hate the thought of killing them too. i just dont want them in my living quarters. sick.

jeorg- that's right.

logophile- a rodent issue. ah. man oh man.

egan said...

When do we get a new post? I get all itchy reading this sucker. Bring it yo!

brookem said...

egan- you are reading my mind! i have one in the works because im a bit sketched out that this micey business is front and center here.
my thoughts are all over the board today so it could be a mess, but hey, better than Mice Intruders.

egan said...

No worries. I know you got a lot on your plate right now, COD. It's all good.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

this makes me giggle!! I hate mice too...and ants.