Friday, April 20, 2007

the waiting game

There's not a whole lot worse than a single girl, waiting around for a guy. You make plans with someone, think that they are pretty confirmed based on a phonecall the night before to the tune of, "I miss you and am looking forward to seeing you." Would make sense then to pretty much assume the get together is in fact, well, happening. Until it doesn't. Until it's 8:49PM on a Tuesday night, you were supposed to get dinner, and instead you're watching E True Hollywood Story, with your cell phone under you, on vibrate. You figuring if you have it on vibrate you'll at least be able to feel it. Because if it's just on ring, well you might not hear it, and then, holy god, miss his call.

But you don't miss his call. Because it doesn't come. Until 2AM that night. But it's not a call, it's a damn text. "I had to work a double. Sorry I didn't call sooner." You're pissed now because your phone is still on vibrate and the damn text has woken you up. You throw your phone and knock over a picture of you and your girlfriends on a boat last summer. Shit.

I've done this. I've been this girl, and really who hasn't? Haven't, at some point in time, all women been this girl? It's pretty much a fact. We've all been there. In some way or another. Waiting on a guy. We do this. And then we do it again, even after a time when we swore we'd "never wait for a guy again." There we go, again. The waiting. Hoping for a different result, round number 11.

The result is the same every time.

It's at some point in the waiting game, that we remember how cute he is. And how the last time we were together he said he liked the smell of your shampoo. "What is it, coconut?" he asks. You remember his yummy smelling cologne, and how you just couldn't get enough of it, and him. And you remember how he sweetly pushed your hair out of your eyes, how he pulled you into him during a really great hug, and you remember the sex.

But while you're waiting, and remembering, all that stuff, it slowly begins to fade away. There those good memories go, slipping away with the minutes that he hasn't called, still. At first it's what gets you excited. And what keeps you excited, anticipating that vibrate of the damn cell phone for a while. But as hours pass, you're halfway through a bag of Pirates Booty, and two hours into the Janice Dickinsin, True Hollywood Story, you begin to sort of dislike the things that you were remembering, and thought just hours ago were ohsofreakingcute.

No, it's not coconut shampoo, dumbass. And he always wore so much effing cologne. Doused in that stuff. And your hands are rough, please don't touch my face. You begin to remember how you felt suffocated when he pulled you in tight like that during that half-assed hug. And the sex? Yeah, it wasn't that great, really.

And this happens. This waiting game that we do as girls. And at a certain point, enough is enough, right? At some point, a line must be drawn. You will no longer wait around for his call. Won't not make plans on a night when you think you might have them with him. You will no longer look forward to his calls, because you know they will be laden with excuses of late nights at work, family commitments, watching the game with friends... all instead of calling you. Getting back to you. Keeping plans, with you.

And one day, all of it clicks. You realize you are worth more than waiting around for a guy who makes promises that are forever unfulfilled. You realize that the idea that you have in your head of this guy is a complete farce. Yeah, he may be nice and sweet and ohsocute in the moment, but when it comes down to it, where's the real meat of the matter? You realize you deserve so much more than a guy who can't fit you into his schedule. You realize although you don't want an always available man, you do want someone who will make time in his life for you.

So the waiting thing? After quite some time, after many consumed calories, empty wine bottles, and swearing off the vibe option on your cell phone, you realize, the waiting? It's way overrated.

28 comments:

Winters said...

Hello Brookem.

I was just flitting through the blogosphere and I landed on this very fine post.

I will never say "Is it coconut" again. :)

e.b. said...

Yeah! My sentiments exactly and that guy, you know, the one, well there will be no waiting.

Aaron said...

LOL @ Winters

I've learned to never ask what a particular scent is because I either have absolutely no clue (and I'm WAY off) or I wouldn't remember if she told me. To this day, I don't know WHAT perfume it is that Sarah wears on occassion, but whenever she does, I know it. I love it. I also know it's not made any more and one day it'll run out. And I'll be sad because I'll miss that suttle, lingering scent on my couch pillows, an afghan or a jacket I was wearing when I held her close.

Oh, and I thought she was the only gal I knew that has ever taken pictures of purses in a store before. ha!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I think we've all tbeen with that guy...

The Exception said...

The joy of being a woman!

brandy said...

Waiting. Been there. Ugh. (And yes, that's all I can say on the subject.)

egan said...

Um, that waiting stuff sucked. That's a huge aspect of being single I don't miss. When you're married this stuff doesn't exist. I sure as hell do remember it though.

I don't get how texting someone is all that hard. Why couldn't it have been done hours earlier?

Another thing to never say guys: man, you dress looks like my mom's wallpaper.

Melissavina said...

This is off topic, but I LOVE that you have a "drink of choice" portion of your sidebar. I may just steal your idea someday. The bartender in me is outraged that I didn't think of it first. :)

Ruby said...

The waiting sucks but doesn't it feel great when you decide you will never again wait, for anyone, and know that mean it.

brookem said...

winters- hi! thanks for stopping by. you can say coconut, just dont make a girl resent these sweet gestures when you dont call!

eb- no more waiting!

aaron- oh i just love purses. hope that yummy scent sticks around for a while! has she tried ebay?

princess- isn't it true?

the exception- ya it gets tiring i tell ya!

brandy- ya, it's kind of a sour subject to say the LEAST.

egan- exactly! HOURS earlier. and a call, instead.

melissavina- do steal! no prob. i should switch it up more often but doesn't this one just look ohso enticing?? you bartend?! sweet.

ruby- yes. i just need to keep practicing that rule.

Desiree said...

Waiting sucks. I swear not to do it again ;)

The Diva's Thoughts said...

I have so been this girl! It's the worst.

Beth said...

Something very similar happened to me a few weeks ago. But instead of a 2am text, I got an email the next day. So no more waiting for me either!

Mel said...

Amen lady!!!

Why does it take so many MANY nights before we get it?

angel, jr. said...

Waiting sucks.
I'm still waiting to bump into that girl--the one that in every music video makes me do the double take and then brings me to my knees.

brooke alexandra said...

Waiting indeed SUCKS! I've been there way too many times. And still, when he calls, I fall for his excuses and apologies. But one day damit, I will not answer!

Brrrr said...

Blech. I'm so glad not to be there anymore. But I definitely was at some point. I guess as you get older you realize your time is way more precious than that.

Steph said...

We all do it and we'll continue to do it if we really like the guy. It sucks but it's just how we're wired.

Carrie said...

:( - Again like all the other comments I've been there too, and remember exactly how stupid and awful (and full!) I felt playing the waiting game for a guy who ended up not being worth the price of that bag of Smart Pop Popcorn and that bottle of Cab Sauv/Shiraz I love so much.

I guess the/a trick is to decide just how far you'll let it go - how much you will take beforehand so you're not consistently asking yourself questions when really, the person on the other end probably isn't giving a moments thought until it's 'too late to call so text messaging will be easier'.

On that note - unless I've known and dated you forever and you have an excellent reason (class, work, hospital) for not being able to press a different button on your cell phone, I really really hate it when guys text message. Text messaging is for your girlfriends.

M said...

Oh god. I love this! I'm over the waiting game too! we're so on the same wavelength. :)

Beth said...

Been there...still kind of doing that with the waiting thing. I try to cut him some slack because he's a self-employed workaholic so I'm at least comforted in the knowledge that he isn't just being an asshole!

Ally said...

The key here is that once you wait for someone once, you refuse to do it again. What's the saying? Screw me once, shame on you; screw me twice, shame on me. Unless of course, the guy sincerely apologize and has an amazing excuse. My experience with waiting is that the guys who keep you waiting like that aren't worth waiting for anyway.

Airam said...

Yeah .. waiting is a bitch. My rule of thumb (now) is that if a guy says he's going to call but doesn't the first time around then I'm done. It may be premature of me to do that but it's called common decency. If you say your going to do something then you DO IT!! If not, then it's not worth the time or effort waiting by the phone. Because it does take a hell of a lot of effort and brain power to wait because you're not thinking of anything else. Time wasted!!

Jordan said...

Hey, I know that guy :)

He sure gets around!

Ryane said...

Well put. I could NOT agree with you more...I am just impressed you turn your phone to vibrate. When I have found myself wating around for a guy, I have been the girl who takes her damn phone w/her everywhere for fear she will miss the call. Now, thankfully, I am at least learing that any man worth his salt will follow through on his word...great post.

appletini said...

I love this post. I think that it speaks to many young ladies' hearts. It is a liberating feeling when you truly realize that YOU ARE worth more !

Audrey said...

I loved this...had everything down to a T. I am sick of waiting around as well and have learned that it's more a product of me than the guy...I think many women, myself included, just need to give ourself a little more worth.

You should consider reading the book "Be honest, you're not that into him either."

brookem said...

hi audrey, thanks for stopping by! i've read that book, it can be a personal bible at times!
stop by my new site at wordpress...
www.skrinkeringhearts.wordpress.com