Friday, April 27, 2007

the before, where it's still really good.

When it's at it's best, it can be really good. It's all about firsts. First phone call from him, first voicemail, first time out together, first kisses. Planning. Outfits, fun outings. How to wear your hair. Purchases. New undies, thongs. New shoes. A manicure and soon to be regular pedis. Excitement. Looking forward to your evening calls, to doing new things together, planning to try new things together, anticipating them.

Gushing to your friends about it all the next day. Where he took you, how he had it all planned out and how you liked that. A guy that has a plan in mind = good change for you. You tell them how funny he is, how the conversation just flowed. How you kissed him first at that martini bar and how good that felt. You're excited but don't want to be too excited. Because you know about jinxing and you don't want to do any of that. But you still share the details. How cute you thought it was when he made conversation with the cab driver, how he asked you questions and seemed genuinely interested in your life, your family and friends. How he asked for a story about each of your rings. It's a new kind of feeling for you and a good one at that. You share details about how you liked how he was donning not white gym socks, but appropriate, man socks, with his man shoes. How he said he liked your lipgloss.

When it's new and going well, it's fun and exciting. It's about the anticipation and the novelty of it all. Learning someones little quirks, him learning yours, and the realization that things are actually going well. Maybe even somewhere. Perhaps. Who knows? But it's fun.

When it's not as much at it's best, but when it's the opposite, it's not fun. When it's at it's worst, and I'm talking about new dating, not relationship stuff here, it's all the opposite. It's turned somewhat into another type of the waiting game. Because plans aren't being made they are being canceled. And phonecalls in the evening aren't happening, not with him at least. With your friends, asking if there's any update? Have you talked? But you haven't heard, from him, still. And now it's gone from two fun weeks of new undies, new shoes, plans, and dates, back to what once was.

Which isn't bad at all. It never was. You've loved single. In fact you're more used to the before than the two week time frame of fun with him. Which doesn't take away from the fun you did have, because you did. Have fun. With him. For that time it was good. Real good. New, and nice. And if the nice and the new kept going on, kept going good like it was and continued so for some time, then you would be willing to reevaluate the before. The single. For the right timing, person, and circumstances, you would let the before go. It's just a feeling when you know it's right, and that feeling has to be there.

Anyway.

And although it seems weird and you don't understand it, all the analyzing in the world, with your girlfriends over martinis on a weeknight, isn't going to make that phone ring. It doesn't really answer the questions you're asking. It will leave you tipsy and probably a little resentful. Because you end up questioning yourself and him. And we all know how this goes after three key lime martinis. It goes no where good. You know you should just take the time for what it was, fun and new and exciting. You have new shoes to show for it, some fun times behind you and some happy little memories to deposit into the dating bank. And well, it's in the past now and you're back to square one. Which is all very fine because square one, you're used to. Square one is familiar territory.

Because who knows, maybe he'll call you tomorrow, or next week or in a month. Or maybe not at all. But waiting for it or willing it to happen doesn't make it happen. And there may very well be a good reason. You hope so at least. That nothing is seriously wrong or anything like that. Because bottom line, it just is what it is.

This is dating and at it's best it has potential to be exciting and fun.

At it's worst it at least reminds you that the before was really good too.

21 comments:

appletini said...

I love your outlook on things! And your blogs : )Thanks for your comments on my blog. I redid my post on love because I had an oddly unwanted comment on it, and I had to erase your comment too :(

Airam said...

So true ... it's the waiting that kills you.

Jessica said...

I don't wait. I just get drunk and cry pretty much right away.

Kate said...

dating sucks.

Melissavina said...

In my experience, martinis with friends DOES make the phone ring... his phone. And I'm usually on the other end with my cell phone upside down, doing my best to hold up a brick wall. But I haven't done that in a loooong time.

Dating can be the best thing or the worst thing for a woman's ego.

Jason said...

sweet post i will be stopping in again and yes that is a kitten on my blog her name is lily and i have a cat name sid if you do a blog search for them on my blog there are more pictures- well i am off to read more of your posts

Carrie said...

MMhm - at least in the before stage you could rely on something and enjoy the freedom of doing whatever whenever wherever... without lugging your cell phone with you on the off chance the phone call you're waiting for will happen.

e.b. said...

You have a good outlook - even if it sucks nonetheless. Hope all is well, will be in touch.

jeorg said...

make plans. don't sit around. date two or three guys at the same time. nothing makes the phone ring faster than someone who has plans...

Ruby said...

The firsts are sooo much fun but lawwwwd the waiting...which is why I don't wait anymore. I just make sure I am super busy all the time so if he calls its a pleasant surprise.

brandy said...

I think that's how I'm going to start looking at it. If it doesn't work out, at least I will have new shoes to show for it. And if I'm honest, sometimes the shoes bring me more happiness than the guy ever could. Even during the 'firsts' phase...

Ally said...

If he keeps you waiting more than a week, I'm sure it's not right. I want someone to be excited about me. Despite that it can be easy to get caught up in something--forgetting that life before the person was, all in all, better than life with the person (and the waiting).

Beth said...

I love your positive attitude.

Thanks for reminding me that dating can be fun and exciting. I love the butterflies-in-my stomach feeling that I get in the very beginning of something new.

Beth said...

I love your positive attitude.

Thanks for reminding me that dating can be fun and exciting. I love the butterflies-in-my stomach feeling that I get in the very beginning of something new.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Such a great way to see things! SO true....

Desiree said...

Such a positive outlook... hopefully this time of our lives... this dating time will pass. But if it doesn't at least we will have great looking toes!

Aaron said...

I'd swear you were detailing my life... minus the purchase of new thongs. Well, for me anyway. ;)

k.r.i.s.t.e.n. said...

ugh, still no call? you're too good for him!

and, love paolo!

Mel said...

I've found that I hated dating so much I started loving it HA! I only have one person now...but still on the nights we go out it feels giddy and fun, probably because we are such home bodies.

Great thoughts here...

egan said...

Oh yes, this kind of something I miss as a married man. My wife and I talk about how you don't get to spontaneously meet as many new people. I suppose this is why I like blogging since I can meet new folks this way.

Trixie said...

keep the positive outlook. if he doesn't get around to calling you, HE missed out.

take those new shoes and go celebrate your single-ness and fabulous self. someone else will just have to benefit those new shoes of yours. ;)